I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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