so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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