I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
