I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
