im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
