In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
