FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
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We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
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Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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