I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
