Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
