i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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