I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
