google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
