we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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