I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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