p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
