also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Small penises have feelings too.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
