Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
