did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Randomize
