she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
