Christians are straight up FREAKS
I will die if light touches me.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
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