; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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