I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
