We're facebook friends in real life
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize