u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
