and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
