you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
