you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
