My first STD was from a foam party
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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