hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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