i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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