You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
