I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
