what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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