Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
