Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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