I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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