update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
