i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
