he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
