I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
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