just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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