hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
