I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
