apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
