I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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