I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
