I hate your face
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
When are your genitals available?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
