Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
