this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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