So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
