You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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