it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
