He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
