So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
