that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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