Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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