Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
