Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
