dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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