They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
