Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
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At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
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also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize