I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
